Letting Go of the Dream
Letting go. Sounds cliche. It's not. Well, if it is, only because it is true. That's the key sometimes, letting go of the dream that it will ever change, even NOW. Not just that a parent was there, but how they were with you, if at all, how you were met at birth and beyond. Create a new dream. Let the old wish of the child go, release it. Some bonds when broken can't be repaired, and it is not the child's fault. It is not your fault, or mine.
That primal love we want(ed) did not (does not) exist within that parent. That's not our problem now. Most times it never existed, it being that mother bear love, and we are left with the eternal wish of the little one inside. I don't think we are asking for perfect or asking too much when we want to be mothered, not abandoned. Love that does not take into account the child's needs an attached loving mother, the child's needs at all, is not really love at all. My therapist used to say that abandonment of a child is "total annihilation" of that child.
How powerful it can be.....
to place that wish in your palm and blow it back out to the universe.
In knowing what you wanted,
deep within that means you have the ability to give it to your children and to yourself.
With my own kids, my mantra for this is:
Be What You Wanted.
Be What You Deserved.
It works, it just takes time, practice and patience. Eventually the rage and grief of the child dissolves and gives way to an understanding that these parents could barely care for themselves(some still can not) let alone you, and most have immense amounts of unhealed, unaddressed pain that they are very unaware of in themselves. In other words, it is not your fault now, nor was it then. Just because your light and worth went unacknowledged and in some cases purposefully so, does not mean it was never there. Breathe in the light that you are, exhale that light and send it into the world. (Thank you Nancy for that.)
With Love, SES