fear and chaos, a love affair
don't go into the woods at night
the fear is strong
respect them at a distance
and you will live long
There are times that I still find myself terrified at the prospect of what lies within me. I fear that the strength of the creative power within me will overwhelm me, consume me, and I will be left an empty shell, hollow and lifeless. I fear that my source of inspiration and creativity is limited. That shakes me to the bone and I want to use it sparingly, savor it, because I may never feel it again once I have used it all up.
My myth: I worry that I will never have enough, that I will never be enough.
It all boils down to two traits that use my innards as their battleground. Independence and distrust.
I grew up very poor and a type of hoarding or survival instinct wreaked havoc on me. Cue the independence. I always managed to stretch what little money I had out, make it last for more than possible. This worked well for me when I was in university living on a student loan, but when I failed and the money ran out it was devastating to my pride. Cue the distrust.
Yet, I believe the independence, the belief in my Self, has endured much better than the distrust. I am beginning to see that underlying this distrust I also feel a strange anarchy building within. I feel my myth (for I do realize that I am enough) is being subtly picked apart and dissolving into chaos.
all in a row
but something stirs
the peace will not last long
a new truth will form
Overall, I can only allow the feelings and honor the process. I believe this is what connects us and opens us to the all-encompassing beauty within each other. Thus, I honor the process within you as well.