Tuesday, November 14, 2006

back in the picture

cryEmote
cry little girl cry
with your tears
paint the sky

wipe the slate clean
with your dream

cry little girl cry

I am slowly working my way back into EWAG while I struggle with some health issues. Good to see you all. Much love.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

For the domestic goddess

The Apron Book is a beautifully photographed historical documentary of the American apron.

This great American icon for mothering and pop-culture is back in contemporary fashion. Each page is lovingly put together with photographs from EllynAnne Geisel's vintage apron collection -- over 300 collected from around America -- as well as apron patterns. Apron lovers from the past and present share their stories and memories. I love this book. It fits in perfectly with my quirky little collection.

Take a peek inside the book or visit EllynAnne's site to learn more about her passion at apronmemories.com.

erotic potential

I am Lilith, Dark Goddess of untamed erotic power. I am the Goddess of feminine wild instinctual knowing, free of restraints. I am the creative power of the Void.

In the past, Millennia ago, I was the Great Goddess of all the Semitic people. It was I who brought agriculture to them and protected midwives and children. This was before the dark times when the feminine was repressed. In Biblical tradition, I was cast as first woman, created simultaneously with Adam, but I fled paradise and my controlling mate.

Now I want to tell you what really happened.

In the beginning, Adam and I enjoyed our wild sexuality and lived as partners in the magical, sexual, pulsing dance of life. But something happened and he began to change. He acted as if he was the wiser one and could tell me what to do. And worse, he criticized my wildness (I was a woman who ran with the wolves to be sure).
And then the day came when he insisted that we make love with him on top, weighing me down and restricting my movement, making me passive. Although I was always one for variety, he persisted in this request; he refused to let me get on top as well. I knew he wanted to dominate me in a way that felt disrespectful, out of balance and denying my own eroticism. And so I refused.

He complained to Yahweh, who came against me and I shape shifted into a dark bird and flew away. Of course, they replaced me with a more compliant Eve who was supposed to be submissive, self-sacrificing and chaste. But even she got the blame for acting on her own and eating of the fruit of wisdom.

In Medieval times you will find references to my name as a fearsome demonness. I was supposed to be responsible for men’s wet dreams and I was accused of stealing babies. But it is all a pack of lies to keep women from trusting in their own instincts.

Now, I am returning to your consciousness and I am your free, untamed, and independent self.

Call on me to help you reclaim your erotic potential. Call on me to reclaim your creative power and your wildness. I am Lilith, the ancient one.


Check out the rest of Linda Savage's The Legacy of Lilith: Reclaiming Women’s Untamed Erotic Potential. A stirring read!

Sunday, June 11, 2006

eye of the beholder

an interesting article: The Beguiling Truth About Beauty by Carlin Flora

Last paragraph is beautiful: Most of us have had the mysterious experience of watching a loved one become increasingly beautiful with time, as the relationship grows deeper. Imagine that generous gaze is upon you all the time, and you'll soon see a better reflection in others' eyes. You may not be able to turn off your inner hot-or-not meter, but you can spend less time fretting in the mirror and more time engaging with the world.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

make the connection: cervical cancer awareness

I received an email pointing me to this website Make the Connection, which promotes cervical cancer awareness and prevention. Additionally, you can support the cause ...

By ordering a free Make the Connection bracelet kit, you will be helping to advance cervical cancer education and outreach. For every pair of bracelet kits ordered, Merck will donate one dollar to Cancer Research and Prevention Foundation, up to $100,000, for cervical cancer awareness and screening programs among medically underserved women.

Anything to help keep our goddesses happy, healthy and strong ...

article

The new lies about women's health by Brian Alexander.

Honestly, I was dismayed after reading this. It seems ridiculous that women are fed bogus health information to support a moral agenda. The possibility of a woman being denied emergency contraception makes me ill.

Anyone have more info on this topic?

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Friday, May 12, 2006

Mommy Does It All...

Mommy Does It All...

This is a seriously funny and fun and cool blog, check it out!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Contra-Contraception - New York Times

Contra-Contraception - New York Times

Interesting reading in case you were wondering about the background/history into the debate over whether women are ENTITLED to reproductive rights....

Sunday, April 30, 2006

learning to swim again.

Today has been an odd day ...

There are so many things swimming around me regarding babies and the lack thereof.

One of the doctors who works at the same (small) hospital as hubby recently lost a baby. His wife was 20 weeks along. This afternoon, they had a memorial service at the church two doors down from my house. I met this doctor, his wife and their four kids last fall when I interviewed him for the local newspaper. Very nice people. He's 32 and she's 28.

It's funny, when I did the interview, he asked me if we had any kids. I said no, but I was actually 8-10 weeks pregnant at the time and wasn't telling anyone outside of family & good friends. And, now, here it is they lose their baby at 20 weeks, as did we just over five months ago. I have been thinking about them all day, remembering the surrealness of the grief. I'm trying to decide if I should bring them a plant or something, but I'm worried it would be awkward.

A co-worker of mine is due to have her baby any minute now. Well, more like any day. Her esitmated due date is May 7, I believe. I saw her yesterday, she's 3mm dilated ... only 7 more to go. So, she's getting closer to having her baby girl. I almost teared up speaking with her Saturday afternoon, as happy as I am for her having a little girl.

I've been working on the cutest little booties for her and finished them tonight. In the pattern picture, they're shown w/ a pair of little socks. And, I thought I'd do the same. So, I went to the basement and starting digging through our stash of baby stuff. And, it all hit me. Seeing the little onesies and tees and a pair of socks w/ little butterflies.

It all just hit me. Another baby lost. And another one the way. And us in our fourth month of trying to get pregnant again.

For the past three months, I have been focused on the science of getting pregnant. Timing, eggs meeting sperm, hormones, testing, the menstrual cycle, vitamins, no alcohol, folic acid, ovulation ... all the details and medical terminology involved in trying to conceive. It creates in me obsessive compulsive behavior in a personality that borders too closely on Type A-ism.

But, tonight, while I'm digging through boxes of stuff I haven't touched in 4 months, seeing the stash of tees & onesies ... I get a mental rush of pictures, of dressing my little baby in these tees & onesies. It suddenly became so personal, so real and so precious. So precious are those little feet and the gift of motherhood ...

It just hit me ... as it does, so often unexpectedly. Maybe it's compounded by not being pregnant again yet and coming up on 6 months at the end of May. Feeling the sadness of another pregnancy lost and soon the joy of a new life for my friend.

All this baby stuff ... just floating around me ... and the best I can do right now is tread water. I guess that's better than the alternative.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Saturday, April 22, 2006


Vulnerability. I know what you are saying. I am vulnerable, and I am myself. To me, it's the same, you know? To be one's self is to be vulnerable. It is hard. I hate feeling judged. And you do get judged so much when you are authentic. Ouch.
But I am so with you!

Sunday, April 16, 2006

vulnerability is not weakness

beneathLately, I've been interested in how people react to vulnerability and kindness. I've noticed that the two traits are usually characterized as weaknesses to which there are only two ways of reacting -- by offering protection or taking advantage of the person. This seems a rather counterproductive method if we ever want to empower each other.

I am a kind person who is not afraid to show vulnerability. This makes it difficult to find people who are willing to really be with me and I'd rather not waste my time posturing. Instead, I'd like to dive into acceptance and have it reciprocated.

blossomUnfortunately, I find that most of the time my vulnerability is taken advantage of. The old adage "Give em an inch, they take a mile" is something that happens to me frequently. It's as though being vulnerable is mistaken for "Here take my crap, too. I don't want to be responsible for it." How does this make sense?

Well, I'd like to see that change for being vulnerable is also more importantly known as learning to be yourself.

Who's with me? :)

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Finding that balance

I realised I needed to post this here as well as on my onw personal blog...mainly because as we tell our 'stories' to each other here and share our lives - it helps us to better 'know' one another. To tighten the circle. To make us grow closer as humans, as women, as creators of life. This post was prompted by an article I read today about Yoga becoming 'big money'

The article is HERE.

Good article...good points.

As always, in everything I do I strive to maintain a semblance of balance in my days, in my work, in my personal life. Often it's a struggle because I am simply too busy. There is too much going on. I take on too much. Biting off more than we can chew. That's the danger I see with Yoga as well. While I desperately want to preserve my integrity as a teacher and promote the 'true' aspects of Yoga - I want to be successful, I want the program to grow and horror of horrors I want to make money being a Yoga teacher.

But last night, when the person who used the room before me, left behind dry erase markers and an eraser I decided to use it to actually 'teach' the class a 'lesson' not just movements but about the underlying principles that help govern Yogis/Yoginis: the Yamas and the Niyamas. As I was writing on the board, putting up the words and definitions, I noticed on the other board an 'erased' drawing of the human body complete with arrows pointing to the various parts and joints and then to the right of this 'ghostly' remainder of the body was an erased 'OM' symbol. I was suddenly overtaken by joy and I began to remember why I teach this practice to others. I re-traced the 'OM' symbol and went out to gather my class....

I think I am going to make it through everything that modern/materialistic society has to throw at me.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Women Birth So Many Different Things

I posted this on my new blog, but realized it needs to go here too. A bit of a femininst rant perhaps. Or maybe, just the truth.

Women Birth So Many Different Things.
http://www.vday.org/main.html
Ideas, inspiration, babies, art, PEACE. Women are to be revered as peacemakers. Men can do this too, Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Buddha, my husband, Troy, pictured above with our son. It takes strength to make peace happen in our homes, in the world, on this amazing planet.
Eve Ensler is my spirit mentor. I have followed her for years and look up to her. She gives me HOPE, she impassions me, she challenges me. I get so angry at Women who don't fight the good fight. I need more compassion in this area. I know about denying one's feelings, psychic numbing as a means of survival, denying other's pain because it triggers our own. But I really feel that I have a responsibility to face my own pain, which is terrifying and immobilizing at times, so I can be an anathema to apathy and complacency. I will never be complacent about violence, whether it is against Women, which it is for the most part, and children, the most susceptible victims, and what men do to each other. Why do men commit the majority of violence? Is it God, as some say, free will? That's bullshit. Testosterone? More crap. Do I have the answers? No. Does that mean I will give up my innate ability to think for myself, get angry at the injustices, and use my PERSONAL PAIN TO DO WHAT I CAN TO FIX THIS WORLD? Fuck NO.
Yes, I feel angry at the Women who choose to look the other way when their husband is sexually molesting their daughter or son, when men make up ridiculous and arcane rules and torture Women and abuse children in the name of God or the government. When Women deny their power and go along. There is a balance, I know it. An equal respect between Men and Women. I have it in my marriage. No one should be subservient to anyone. Men can be and should be tender, able to embrace their emotions, to express freely, which is our birthright as humans. It's about sharing, embracing what is masculine and feminine in ourselves and not being threatened by that. For those who use Christianity to dominate others, or the planet and her resources, I ask you, is that what Jesus would do? It seems we ignore his basic teachings when we retaliate in war, like Iraq, Mr. Bush. What ever happened to turning the other cheek. Doing unto others.
I guess some feel they can just adjust the interpretations as they see fit.
No one should be a slave, whether to Uncle Joe who molests you every Sunday after church, or for an African Woman who has to have her clitoris severed to serve some insane man made rule. Do I accept any religion that serves to keep Women submissive and dormant, NO. Because it does not have to be about anyone ruling anyone else. Would it be easier for me to assimilate, just join a church, "give it all to God", to numb myself and let another think for me? It seems that way sometimes.
But then I enslave myself.
It is a courageous act to stand up and say, hey, wait a minute, I disagree. I am going to live in a different way, and I will deal with other people's opinions of me for that. Emancipate Yourself From Mental Slavery.
We should all be free to be ourselves, to live in harmony and respect, to be safe, to care for our Earth, to be loved for who we are. I know this is what I am teaching my 2 children, two future men. This is how we change the world.
Here is her piece that is moving me to integrate more, to heal more even though it hurts, and to challenge myself to face the things I let fear tell me is unfaceable. Not only are these afflictions faceable, we can NAME them. And in doing so, we change the trajectory of this world.



The Power and Mystery of Naming Things by Eve Ensler
I believe in the power and mystery of naming things. Language has the capacity to transform our cells, rearrange our learned patterns of behavior and redirect our thinking. I believe in naming what's right in front of us because that is often what is most invisible.Think about the word vagina. I believe that by saying it 128 times each show, night after night, naming my shame, exorcising my secrets, revealing my longing, was how I came back into my self, into my body. By saying it often enough and loud enough in places where it was not supposed to be said, the saying of it became both political and mystical and gave birth to a worldwide movement to end violence against women. The public utterance of a banished word, which represented a buried, neglected, dishonored part of the body, was a door opening, an energy exploding, a story unraveling.When I was finally able as an adult to sit with my mother and name the specific sexual and physical violence my father had perpetrated on me as a child, it was an impossible moment. It was the naming, the saying of what had actually happened in her presence that lifted my 20-year depression. By remaining silent, I had muted my experience, denied it, pushed it down. This had flattened my entire life. I believe it was this moment of naming that allowed both my mother and I to eventually face our deepest demons and deceptions and become free.I think of women naming the atrocities committed against them by the Taliban in Afghanistan, or women telling of the systematic rapes during the Bosnian war, or just recently in Sri Lanka after the tsunami, women lining up in refugee camps to name their nightmares and losses and needs. I have traveled through this world and listened as woman after woman tells of being date raped or acid burned, genitally mutilated, beaten by her boyfriend or molested by her stepfather.Of course the stories are incredibly painful. But I believe as each woman tells her story for the first time, she breaks the silence, and by doing so breaks her isolation, begins to melt her shame and guilt, making her experience real, lifting her pain.
I believe one person's declaration sparks another and then another. Helen Caldicott naming the consequences of an escalating nuclear arms race, gave rise to an anti-nuclear movement. The brave soldier who came forward and named the abuses at Abu Ghraib prison was responsible for a sweeping investigation.Naming things, breaking through taboos and denial is the most dangerous, terrifying and crucial work. This has to happen in spite of political climates or coercions, in spite of careers being won or lost, in spite of the fear of being criticized, outcast or disliked. I believe freedom begins with naming things. Humanity is preserved by it.-


Eve EnslerEve wrote this essay for NPR “All Things Considered” This I Believe series. The piece aired on “All Things Considered” on March 20, 2006. To listen to the audio or to learn more about This I Believe, visit http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5285531

feminine expressions

feminine expressions
I found this blog, and it is so lovely. Poetry that touches me.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Bald Eagle Tends to Nest As Single Dad

Bald Eagle Tends to Nest As Single Dad - Yahoo! News

What a great story!

insecurities and uncertainties

For some time now, this community participation factor of this blog has steadily decreased. I certainly don't want to be a nay-sayer, (I picture an old goat naying when i say that word...baaah!) but perhaps it's time I faced the facts.

I am certain that there are many reasons for the decrease to a trickle in participation. Life is about change after all. Now, I must determine if EWAG's time is spent or if it is just in need of change. If it is time to let go, then I will have great comfort in knowing that this lil goddess blog has given much joy. It has served its purpose of acceptance well.

Thank you for being a part of it, from the depths my heart.

Weigh in on this...let me know how you feel about it. Now's the time to speak and be heard, dear goddesses.

Hi Girlies. Sarah(BohemeMama) here. I want to say hello, and say that I really need to post more. See, I have some issues. I'm afraid no one will care what I have to say. Core self worth issues. Instead of running from this, I am offering it up as something to share with a community of Women.
My mother abandoned me at age 2, my dad molested and raped me until I was 11. This is why I have a hard time reaching out.
Yes, I am in therapy! Have been for years. But my point is, I wonder how many Women feel this isolation from others..Will anyone care? Will I be accepted? Those are the voices. But I am not listening, not today.

Thoughts?
Thanks for reading.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Arrow

Inspired by the American Cancer Society Daffodil Drive last week, I have written this story.


In the purple and gray morning, I release the small leather ball from my slingshot into the brisk breeze above my head. Fine hairs waft around my eyelashes as I watch it climb to almost disappear from view, trailing its cargo of sewn-on feathers and tiny little bell.

A bullet of black and white and brown streaks from the sky above and grabs the ball, makes a wide circle and settles, fluffed and agitated, on my wrist. I stroke the feathers beneath her dark amber eye with the knuckle of my index finger, crooning words of praise and beauty. I bend my face to the crown of her head and inhale her wild, dusty smell. She is fierce, she is hungry, she is Peregrine, and she is mine.

On these exercise mornings I think about how, long ago, I came across her path and saved her life. She came into
Wind Over Wings damaged and emaciated, wounded by some collision or perhaps a projectile, a carelessly thrown rock. I doubt that, she is too fast … perhaps in pursuit of a smaller bird, she did not see the approaching car? I'll never know. On those long days of healing, her wing splinted and her feathers dirty with her own filth, I would peer into her eyes and will her to speak. Tell me, tell me what it was.

As she mended and we began our rehabilitation work together, a trust grew that has us in its tethers now, bound together inextricably. She cannot be released to the wild; this would surely be a death sentence, as she is hobbled on the one side and too accustomed to people to keep herself safe from them and their ignorant impulses. Besides, I could not bear to let a day pass without the guidance of her bird wisdom. She is self-reliant, noble, wild at heart, unapologetic. She is everything that I would like to be.

I prepare the lure for another flight, reflecting upon the illness that courses through my own bloodstream, threatening to consume my body from the inside out. Two treatments left and then maybe a clean bill of health? There’s no way of knowing. I cling to the hope that these outings of fresh air and exercise will imbue my body with just enough positivity to tip the scales in my favor. Maybe if I hang my soul from the talons of this little beast, she can carry my hopes towards the heavens and release them, there to diffuse and to shower life down upon me.

I chuckle at my sad attempts to bring poetic meaning to this ritual, the morning flight runs that keep my bird strong and allow me to breathe the cold, new air. Still, perhaps there is just a little magic in this bond and in these moments. Enough to keep me happy, surely, and perhaps enough to heal me.

The target prepared and my falcon circling above my head, I pull the band of my slingshot back once more, aiming for the rising sun. I stretch the band to its limit, holding the ball in its leather cup as I glance at the bird, climbing in her anticipation. Pulling the band just a bit further I release, and watch as she pursues her quarry. Ah, beautiful, beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful bird, my mind whispers.

The light in the east fills out the horizon just as she dives, a feathered arrow of hope, into the blue and silent sunrise.



Wednesday, March 15, 2006

to be a knowledgeable woman

For the past year, I've had reason to be, perhaps, overtly tuned in to my body's rhythm and reproductive capabilities. I'll admit, this is all due to stopping hormonal birth control, trying to conceive, conceiving, losing a pregnancy and being post-partum. It's helped me to be more in tune with my body and pushed me to learn more - only to learn there's more to learn!

Today, I found this web page ... http://www.answers.com/topic/menstrual-cycle ... which is somewhat thorough on the hormonal and cultural events surrounding a women's cycle. Rather interesting and perfectly fitting for this blog ... since we're so woman-centric. :)

Plus, as I have learned so much about my body, I believe it is beneficial for every woman to learn what she can about her body's natural processes. It is helpful, too, in cases of "abnormal" natural processes in the search of diagnosis and treatment.

If we know our bodies and trust our intuitions, we can be more involved with the medical processes and take charge of our care. I've realized doctors only know so much and have other patients & distractions, so we need to approach our care with knowledge and interest & not assume doctor always knows best.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

helena nelson-reed

She has been a favourite artist of mine for some time and when she contacted me a little while back to be showcased on the Creatrix Collective I was ecstatic. I admire her approach and skill. Her painting, Chrysalis, is the Featured Beauty for Spring 2006.


Kwan Yin by Helena Nelson Reed

Helena describes her approach: Archetype and myth are the human experience and universal truth of our collective subconscious. Like ancient tales, my paintings are inspired by actual events, personal experiences, or those of individuals I've known. I consider myth a guidebook of possibilities for navigating life's maze and moving past personal paradigms. Sooner or later we all participate in someone else's myth, and they in ours. Fairies, tricksters, wise fools; in such guises we travel to strange places, encounter shape shifters and magical beings. Goddess energy manifests as a coiled spiral of power and force to be reckoned with; flexible, fluid, and resilient, and this concept appears in my art via archetype. Life has taught that reality (well, mine at least) can shift radically in the wink of an eye. A common example is when catastrophe or a series of lesser but life altering events occur, initiating the falling away of cherished identities. Ideologies and dogmas prove flawed, support systems fail, friends may desert, and belief systems no longer support actual experience. When the veil is torn and one's belief/identify is revealed as illusion, what's left? When I stay conscious (not always an easy thing to be) and in the present, observing my life spiral coil and uncoil, the heart and inner eye are cleared and opened by what I feel beneath the intellect. Like Persephone released from her subterranean nightmare, there is light at the end of the tunnel, a new reality, and thus greater capacity for growth, joy and life. The story isn't over, however. The Divine Feminine is cyclic in nature and thus nothing is permanent, eventually the cycle will begin anew and yet another veil unravels and falls away. Keep Creating and Expect the Unexpected!

Her personal sites: www.lapizmoon.com and www.fine-art-studios.com

Sunday, March 05, 2006

looking back

When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned.~ Alcoholics Anonymous, pg 100

This Sunday morning I am so damn grateful. This week marked three years of sobriety for me. My life has changed so much, it’s not perfect. I still struggle, a lot. With emotions, feelings, trying to do the next right thing. Most of it is just dealing with life. I truly did not understand how to do this (still don’t to some extent). I always wanted to be numb, not feel, to not be responsible. I didn’t care about anyone, least of all my self. I had no self worth.


And the worst of it was I didn’t know why. Why did I have so many problems. I kept looking for that key to fixing me, that one magic idea to make it all perfect. I never found it and I all got was very very close to being locked up or death.

Still don’t have any of that perfection, but that’s ok. I do have a solution.

Over the past three years I have had people let me be screwy, confused, angry, sad, overwhelmed, happy, peaceful, and many many other feelings that I can’t even explain. No one chastised me or told me I was wrong to have those feelings. They listened, understood and often told me that had they felt the same.

They loved me when I didn’t even like myself.

Thank God.

I still screw up, get angry, feel weak, lost and have fears.

But I am no longer alone. For that I am thankful.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Feelings...good, bad, indifferent

It’s hard to know what to focus on when my mind seems so scattered...

All my training, all my study of the disciplines that should help me (yoga, meditation, deep relaxation, visualization) seem to fail when I need them the most.

I can help students, most of them are perfect strangers to me, but I can’t seem to help myself and the more I try to *relax* the further out of reach the ‘peace of mind’ seems – there’s a detour on the path of my own tranquility.

My seated practice has suffered mainly because I’ve been in so much pain I can not sit – my neck, my shoulders, my knees, my hips – I feel like I’ve become an old woman before my time...I creak, I crack, I pop and at once I am frustrated as well as sympathetic to some of my students with similar physical ailments

I just feel like the days blur, I am going through the motions and I don’t even have a clue – numbness just takes over...

Last night I was at dinner with my friend, Mr. C and I got to talk to him about how I feel - like I have always had to be strong and I am tired of being expected to be that way ALL THE TIME – even most of the time...why isn’t it OK to stop, to not fight? Who is this fight for, me? Who is it ever for? Is it selfish of me to want to just stop?

Once, when one of my dearest friends was faced with a serious illness (she had colon cancer and they missed some of it when they removed it and they did no radiation so it spread to her bones – awful just awful) – she was being treated with chemo, well chemo is toxic, very toxic and most of us are affected by that but it was nearly fatal for her – she was being poisoned and she had to be hospitalized and the things she was going through at the time were just horrendous and I remember one phone call early on where she called me crying and began talking about how she wanted to die – really wanted to – she needed to talk about THAT feeling with someone because her kids just would not listen to her – she wanted to talk about her own funeral. It was (and still is) one of the hardest conversations I have ever had to have with a friend, but I listened, why? Because I OWED her that much – she was my friend – she was my sister at heart and with that conversation it dawned on me and I’ve never forgotten that we have to remember it’s OK to live with those feelings too – it’s OK to ALLOW your loved ones let go – the ONLY reason we don’t want them to ‘give up the ghost’ as it were is purely selfish on our part – we will miss them – we don’t want them to leave our universe…not realizing that they will always be with us, in our hearts, in our minds, in our intertwining of spirits that makes us all a part of something bigger...something sacred and joyful...something that can never be taken away.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

state of anxiety diary.

I'm really not sure how I found this web diary ... but, she mentioned pregnancy and that's my current obsession, so I had to read.

What struck me in her February entry is how her journey from being pregnant to not being pregnant finds her in an abortion clinic - and not by choice. Basically, she loses the baby but doesn't miscarry, leaving her to have, technically, an abortion. But, in the "official" hospital world, when a fetus dies, it's called D&C (dilation & curettage) or D&E (dilate & extraction).

Had her insurance not been in a grace period, she would have been in the hospital for the D&C, but instead she was sent to the clinic down the street. As she makes her appointment with the clinic, she is told there will be protesters, and that's when she realizes she will be at an abortion clinic.

It's striking to read this, knowing she is there because nature made her choice, but to those protesters, she is there killing a baby. Only goes to show, there is always more to the story.

And, crazy how one gynecological medical procedure can produce so many emotions and opinions, just depending on which term you use. Something to think about ...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

goddess interviewing

I would like to create a separate page, similar to an about us page, that lists us and our interviews with the option to post a pic as well. I feel that would help us establish a deeper connection with each other.

How does that sound? We can start by pairing off or if you have another suggestion, feel free to voice it.

Here are the questions:

Basics: name (how they'd like to be addressed), age, and location.

1. What feminine aspect do you like most about yourself? What feminine aspect do you admire most in your women friends?

2. If you were to adapt an archetype, would you consider yourself a maiden, mother, crone, or goddess?

3. What is the most important thing a woman can do for herself?

4. Is there an activity or process that you use during times of imbalance that provides you with some inner peace?

5. Tell us about a woman that influenced your view of the feminine.

6. What does feminism mean to you? Is there an area of feminism that interests you?

7. Interviewer's own question to go here.

Added 3/1/06: My intention was to create a more personal connection between us with the pairing off idea. We could do it via email without a deadline. Originally, these questions were intended for us to use in profiling a woman we admired.

Perhaps, my earlier sensuality quiz would be a better idea, as there has been limited response to this post? I could use the ones I already have for the about us page and ask the remaining members to fill it out.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Love, love, love this

Probably the only web ad I've ever hit "replay" on ... again and again.

Dove's latest commercial: Campaign for Real Beauty

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Tune in, tune up and turn on

My dear friend Linda Savage (profiled here) is going to be featured on a Voice America internet radio show: Discovering the Goddess in Your Bedroom today at 10am PST.

*If the link doesn't work properly, go to Voice America (works best with IE) and select Shows from the left hand navigation menu. Then select Schedules and you will find a link to the show at 10am PST.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

LOVE

wishing my EWAG sisters a happy heart-filled day. love yourself real good today. :) xo

Friday, February 03, 2006

CNN.com - Women sue Wal-Mart over contraception - Feb 1, 2006

CNN.com - Women sue Wal-Mart over contraception - Feb 1, 2006

Any thoughts, comments, reactions on this one?

I am a bit livid that ANY store can have the right do such a thing....I know this can be a really controversial subject and feel free to chastise me if I've upset anyone by posting this..but I feel women have the right to make these choices...

Thanks for letting me state my humble opinion

C -

Per a friend's suggestion - I am going to post part of my response to this to give more background (illumination) to why I feel the way I do:

I am passionate because I feel women ARE being victimised by society (and even by other women) on many levels - whether it be at the hands of an abusive relationship, an uncaring non-compassionate medical system/political system, or even on a spiritual/religious level because we now have mores that seem to be being forced down everyone's throats....(again I have to wonder what happened to the separation of church and state in this country)...and because I work for a medical institution and because I myself have been in the situation where I have (had) to choose - I feel very strongly about this issue...

I want to make sure that women keep their rights to make whatever choice is good for them - when I was 18 perhaps that choice was different than now - but I still feel it's vitally important to support our right as humans to choose and not let those rights be either taken away, and/or co-opted for the sake of a political machine - the bottom line is that we remember to support each other no matter what - I don't know what your personal situation might be anymore than you would know mine - but by golly I am going to defend to my last breath your right to make any decision you want to make...

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Lapis: virtual bunny/orgasm game

"This is lovely: a prototyped virtual pet bunny called Lapis, designed to teach about female sexual gratification. I love the way this game gets down to basics: exploring a variety of pleasant touching."

Thursday, January 26, 2006

fear and chaos, a love affair

When I first started delving into my "shadow self" or the parts of me I kept hidden, I was terrified and I did not like being afraid. I was used to being in control, even if it was a type of imaginary control. I can only describe myself then as outwardly calm, while inside fear boiled and I fought to contain it.

dark forestdon't go into the woods at night
the fear is strong
respect them at a distance
and you will live long

There are times that I still find myself terrified at the prospect of what lies within me. I fear that the strength of the creative power within me will overwhelm me, consume me, and I will be left an empty shell, hollow and lifeless. I fear that my source of inspiration and creativity is limited. That shakes me to the bone and I want to use it sparingly, savor it, because I may never feel it again once I have used it all up.

My myth: I worry that I will never have enough, that I will never be enough.

It all boils down to two traits that use my innards as their battleground. Independence and distrust.

I grew up very poor and a type of hoarding or survival instinct wreaked havoc on me. Cue the independence. I always managed to stretch what little money I had out, make it last for more than possible. This worked well for me when I was in university living on a student loan, but when I failed and the money ran out it was devastating to my pride. Cue the distrust.

Yet, I believe the independence, the belief in my Self, has endured much better than the distrust. I am beginning to see that underlying this distrust I also feel a strange anarchy building within. I feel my myth (for I do realize that I am enough) is being subtly picked apart and dissolving into chaos.

starlingsall in a row
ordered lies
but something stirs
anarchy, chaos
the peace will not last long

a new truth will form

Overall, I can only allow the feelings and honor the process. I believe this is what connects us and opens us to the all-encompassing beauty within each other. Thus, I honor the process within you as well.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Momentary Lapse of Reason

There is a moment...
And we get caught up
Realising, we are you

We dress like you
We talk like you
We act like you
We become one and the same
We are mirror images

There is comfort in this
There is safety in our numbers
Not having to think
Only alive on the surface

Smooth as silk no jagged edges
It’s the way we want to be
There’s no fear of failure
When you don’t have much invested

There is a moment...
And we know
We will never be like you

We won’t dress like you
Or talk like you
Or act like you
We despise all you represent

There is comfort in this
Being non-comformist
There’s a thrill and no safety
Living on the edge

Hard as glass and broken
It’s the way we want to feel
Failure is the best teacher
When you live in the moment

NOTE: This is something I penned just the other day (and also posted on my blog) - I was musing about what it was like to be part of the 'in-crowd' (which I wasn't) - and then being part of the 'out-crowd' (which I most definitely was *grin*) - and I began to ponder the 'sheep-like' mentality of being like every other 'Barbie doll' and the anger and resentment that was directed towards them by any 'odd-girl-out' if you will - sort of how I imagine an artiste like Ani DiFranco or Tori Amos started - but even though I always felt like I was 'outside looking in', I knew deep down I was somehow 'OK' but it took me years to realise how much power I had within the true *ME* and much much better off I was in being so different. I know that perhaps this prose I wrote might have some negativity to it but if thoughts could just bleed onto paper then - at that moment in time - it would be so much clearer - but envy and pain and the feeling of 'not belonging' are all still very much a part of being a 'Goddess in training' and I thank the Goddess every day for giving me the strength to really embrace the 'trueness' of my real self.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

A heartfelt thanks

To all of you for letting me participate in this wonderful blog and for just 'being out there' to begin with.

Every woman IS a Goddess and it's a pleasure and a priviledge to be invited to write on here.

I'll write more soon.

As ever,
Colette

Sunday, January 08, 2006

"The Typewriter Girl"

I'm partial to old typewriters, the look of them, mind you, not actually typing on them anymore. So, I tend to run across oddities like a review of this book: "The Iron Whim:
A Fragmented History of Typewriting
," by Darren Wershler-Henry.

I'm bringing it up here for the two quotes I found somewhat relevant to this group:

"Typewriting played a key (sorry) role in women's work as jobs were created for "'The Typewriter Girl'"; Wershler-Henry argues that the "'two novelties (working women and weird gadget) alleviated the suspicion that either on their own might have elicited.'"

&

"Wershler-Henry points out that our networked computer culture is moving us away from typing culture's certainty. The idea of one true point of view is being replaced by provisional truths, and consensual truths."

It is strange to think of women at work being saved by the typewriter when that Girl Friday role caused such problems. But I like the morphing of typewritten "certainty" into "consensual truths" of communications like this...