Monday, September 26, 2005

just two boxes

remnants of my past
misused, stored carelessly
in two boxes

a brilliant spirited artist
abused, broken
into two boxes

it's time to open
reclaim, cherish
those two boxes

I recently visited my sister and brought home two boxes of childhood keepsakes. She had rescued them from my father's careless need to erase his past when he remarried two years ago. Now those two boxes sit like monoliths, awaiting me to unlock their mysteries.

I find it a bit silly. I am a strong and capable woman, but when I see those two boxes I quiver and become the girl with the pasted on smile wishing to be invisible. Those two boxes contain much power and hence much pain. They hold the incredible being that was caged and driven deep underground. I know it's time to reclaim that power and remember the truth of my past, but I don't have to like it. Those two boxes frighten me deeply enough to still my bones and it's not easy to quell their song.

Thus, I keep taking small steps. I will not rush towards those two boxes, but I will not turn away. I'm going as gently as I can. I'm still learning that allowing my story to be heard is a good thing.


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Susan said...

I understand your baby steps into a raw emotional pandora-esque journey and look forward to hearing more from you on this front.


Melissa Moon said...

This is powerfuland evocative. The energy that is coming from those boxes! i can't wait for what happens next.
I'm looking forward to putting my finding of the goddes Kuan Yin up soon but got delayed due to re-assessing and re-writing of my story.

Anonymous said...

"I'm still learning that allowing my story to be heard is a good thing."

Sounds like me learning just who I am in sobriety; it takes time for these things. But in the meantime you write about it in a wonderful, delightful way

Creatrix (aka Jennifer) said...

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. It is a true blessing to have your support! xo

Especially when I get an anonymous comment, Maybe you are over-thinking it. A little narcissistic behavior is probably healthy, but diving this deep into your self is mental masturbation. Have a drink..., and I feel the fear tighten around my throat.

I have to laugh because it seems that my fears present themselves front and center. I was just worrying about being self-involved and whoa! I find the comment in my email. I always get accused of this when I dedicate my energy to myself instead of just others. I know the comment has nothing to do with me, but I still felt a twinge of guilt. It made me wonder how programmed are we to ignore ourselves and accountability?